12 June 2025
Dear Parents,
Social Media
By now I am sure a great number of you have watched the Netflix series Adolescence by Philip Barantini.
If we discount some of the scenes that are there for dramatic effect, the essence of the story makes for some harrowing viewing. As with all forms of art, different scenes will have resonated differently with different viewers. Here are some of my takeaways.
Parenting is difficult! Understanding our teen children’s state of mind as they navigate the treacherous teenage years is a bit of a lottery. Some teens remain open and share their anxieties, their struggles, their fears, their insecurities – others clam up and retreat into their own world, projecting only a facade for others to see.
As adults, choosing to be non-judgemental and demonstrating a loving acceptance of our children is difficult, especially in the face of their oft-torrid attitude towards life from time to time at their age.
Parenting has never been easy, especially as one must do a delicate tightrope walk through many issues, not wanting to be too authoritarian nor too laissez-faire; too demanding nor too carefree; too eager nor too passive. Yet, this series portrays a father, in particular, who has grown distant from his son, partly due to their differing interests and aspirations, and partly because he becomes absorbed in his work under the pretext of providing for his family. I think we can all relate to these challenges.
This detachment is a relatively common concern among parents of teens, especially as teenagers are flexing their newly found independence muscle and setting about establishing their persona – independent of a parent.
Frighteningly, our real world is dominated by a virtual world which has usurped many practices that we relied upon to gauge wellness, manage acceptance and cultivate belonging.
This virtual world is as uncaring as it is impersonal. There is no sugar-coating this reality.
Added to these dilemmas is the challenge of addictions. The psychiatrist Dr Anna Lembke, in her book Dopamine Nation, suggests that we all carry a propensity for becoming addicted to some form of pleasure as we have “transformed the world from a place of scarcity to a place of overwhelming abundance… The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation”. This should arrest our senses.
There are several apps on the market that give a parent (or significant adult) control over time spent, and content viewed, on devices linked to one’s name. A few years ago, this may have seemed like overreach – today I would suggest that control is the first essential bulwark required. This should be mandatory on any device in the hands of a child under 16 years of age.
Very few young people, especially, have the fortitude and emotional intelligence to navigate and indeed manage the barrage of enticements directed at them from AI-driven platforms that neither discriminate nor discern who the viewers or users may be.
Regrettably, as the series depicts, the rabbit hole of bizarre trends, unfiltered responses, clandestine, cryptic and coded messaging created by users in social media apps, necessitates a far more intrusive approach from the adults in the room, if we are to offer some protection and care.
Alongside installing apps which grant you, the parent, control, I would advocate the use of smartphones in a communal/shared space in the home – a bit like the landline of old located in the passage. Teens will hate it (as we all did), but it is far more difficult to conduct a secret life under these conditions. Furthermore, rules governing the use of connected devices that apply to the entire household will reinforce the correct message – we, the adults, must model correct behaviours.
Importantly, we need to acknowledge that society has (by and large) handed teenagers a tool which holds such staggering power without any of the safety features required to even begin to use it responsibly.
Lastly, just as the series exposes the dark side of social media, its pitfalls and the juvenile response to being sucked in, it also raises the question of our complicity in the charade of virtual living. We adults model poor screen-time habits, bad cellphone etiquette etc. and, as such, we are less able to guide our children effectively in this regard. Let’s make the time to be intentionally tech-free with each other, especially family, friends, and colleagues. Disconnecting is perhaps far more important now than ever before.
My hope is that we course correct quickly, me included, such that technology serves us rather than our serving it.
Here are two articles with some interesting commentary on the issues raised in the series, should you be interested.
Kind regards,
George Harris
Headmaster
